The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You made out with two different species that night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
