My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
