I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
