I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
