matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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