Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
