I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think my moral compass just broke
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
