She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
