My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
and you fell through a lawn chair
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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