So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
