My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
