what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So much Jack, so little girl.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
