you turned your livingroom into a bong?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
