He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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