Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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