I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
