Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize
