When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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