I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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