I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
