I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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