1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
