White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
