Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
