Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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