trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
