In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
