Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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