My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
