I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
