I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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