we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize