they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
