I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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