Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
