Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
