you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
PANTIES FOUND
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