I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
