i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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