Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
there is glitter all over my balls
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