porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
