I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
