She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
