I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
