i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize