I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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