On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
