Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
