So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
worst night to have a conscience
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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