he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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