Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize