This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
