absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
