I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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