I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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