I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
