I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
