i think my tv is drunk
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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