I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
