Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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