I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
