Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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