He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
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