I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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