I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
