Kiss
Puke
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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