apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
40s are totally the cure
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
