peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
