I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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