Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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