I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
