don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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