I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I am midnight drunk by noon
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
