I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize