If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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