this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
