forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
