its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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