I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
