You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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