I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
