I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
