Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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