batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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