OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
