I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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