I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
