My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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