i wish starbucks made bloody marys
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
