i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
