Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
