my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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