we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
