1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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