I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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