Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
it hurts more in the daytime
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
