apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
