Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
