hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
