have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
