idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
