He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
