you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
