i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I seem to have left my pride at pride
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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