He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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